Tri-Cities Trash Bin

2009-07-21T20:41:00.000-07:00

Except for kyle, every man i've ever trusted has treated me like a piece of shit.

I think this says more about me than the men.

I just don't understand

2009-07-16T17:59:00.000-07:00

Why some people just can't fake it. Every day, I make an unconscious decision to put my best mood forward. I am of the opinion that there is almost never a need to be in a pissy mood, all it succeeds in doing is making everyone around you feel just as shitty as yourself. Every day, at work and at home, the people around me are pissed off.

I can't even recall the last time I engaged in this sort of behavior- you know what i'm talking about. Sulking around silently, frowning constantly, giving one-word answers to innocuous questions. Yet, I constantly encounter it.

Why do some people feel the need to even be in bad moods? The only acceptable reasons for this are receiving some sort of devastating news, or feeling incredibly sick/ill at ease. It's safe to say that most of the people I know have not recently received devastating news or are sick everyday- SO WHY DO THEY FEEL THE NEED TO BE SUCH FUCKING BUMMERS??????

The amount of negativity I see is really starting to get to me. It's frustrating to be constantly cheerful and receive only random, inexplicable pissiness in return. I don't put on a good mood for you fucks- I do it for myself. What I don't understand is what being pissy accomplishes; probably because it accomplishes nothing. There is nothing positive that comes out of sulking, period.

In conclusion, i'd really appreciate it if one other person besides me made the conscious decision to stop their bullshit and attempt to be happy. It's really not that fucking hard, I don't even have to try to be happy. It's being angry and upset that takes the real effort.

Bad Week?

2009-07-12T17:22:00.001-07:00

The worst. There must be something in the air.

All the Above

2009-07-01T10:25:00.000-07:00

There's nothing left to say or think about, all that's left is what has to be done. We can't fix the past in the slightest bit, we can only correct the future.

Things to do:
-apply to jsarge
-fill out fafsa and appeal vcu financial aid
-apply to u of r

I know a girl

2009-06-24T12:43:00.003-07:00

Who needs the shit beat out of her.

too bad no one will ever have the gall.

Welcome to the good life

2009-06-14T15:04:00.001-07:00

Better than the life i live, where i thought that i was gonna go crazy. buckroebeachlove09!

Hello

2009-06-12T10:57:00.000-07:00

Today has been the worst day of my life thus far, but that's irrelevant.

What's really pissing me off at the moment is my "Highlights" sidebar on facebook, which continously shows me photo albums and fan pages of people I used to date whom I no longer ever want to see. Sweet, facebook.

Allz i've got to say is:

2009-06-03T13:16:00.001-07:00

Thank god theres always alcohol

Party poop

2009-05-30T18:40:00.001-07:00

30 minute feverish nap, now its time to put on a happy face, rehydrate myself from these fuckin painkillers jacking my internal h2o , and enjoy the last for a while.

My Finest Hours....

2009-05-24T06:17:00.000-07:00

Cory: "katey can seriously handle anything"

dealt with the cops last night being completely wasted, it wasn't really that big of a deal because they were super nice, but cory was impressed. it's funny, last nights party was supposed to be a cookout, and I just KNEW yesterday that it was going to be the one to get the cops called on. I still find myself wondering how slosherama went off without any sort of cop intervention.

female police officer: what took you so long to get here when we were pounding on the door??
me: i had to come from the back of the house
female police officer: oh okay

These dreams, they seem to cost money, but money cost some dreams.

2009-05-13T07:58:00.000-07:00

9am domestic dispute call, I stay classy.

I was just about to call you when you called.

What's done is done, cannot be undone.

2009-05-11T07:04:00.000-07:00

My life just got a whole hell of a lot weirder, but don't ask me to explain. I signed on here with a ton to say, and it's all kind of disappeared on me.

The epic slosherama was a success, in that all or nearly all were sloshed and I do believe that almost everyone had a good time. Next party is memorial day weekend, start marking your calendars!

Im at walmart right now

2009-05-03T14:32:00.001-07:00

Buying 150 plastic cups and a slip-n-slide. slosherama is whats up

Eatin Fancy 2nite

2009-04-29T16:32:00.001-07:00

A miracle

2009-04-28T05:39:00.000-07:00

Bianca went to class...Without paper or a pen

Bored

2009-04-26T11:36:00.000-07:00

Got tired of being around cunts all day, now i'm around tool city usa

Stuntin is a habit

2009-04-25T10:04:00.001-07:00

The normal terror feeling of driving with b

2009-04-22T12:52:00.001-07:00

"the richmond pack"

2009-04-22T06:15:00.000-07:00

I need to stop making friends with so many class of 2010 people, it makes me feel old...

On it

2009-04-21T20:25:00.000-07:00

Fast times, got email posting enabled so hopefully this will be more picture based

Whatever it is, she can't stop it.

2009-04-15T09:34:00.000-07:00

Been facing a lot of my own demons this week, that's been working out well.

I don't remember parts of Saturday night, but i'm pretty sure it was awesome. We have the strangest best parties ever, but I always feel like only me and Bianca are having fun out of the roomies& bffs like kyle because we know almost everyone there? Anyways all this means is that if you're reading this, SHOW UP! COME PARTY WITH US!

freakin takin over the city is whats up.

updates: someone may be arrested:)
SWEET IS FREE!
potential new job
MAD CA$H thanks vcu!

I have two weeks lef of school:)

No More Stress, Now I'm Straight

2009-04-06T06:06:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been an absolute mess. I am a generally non-confrontational person, and having two confrontations within one weekend doesn't sit well with me. It's a miracle it's taken me this long to realize that one person here is the manipulator, but lucky for me I'm not easily manipulated. Quite the opposite in fact.

I am more than tired of your psychotic ravings, and you WILL be out of my house by the end of the month- "it's not up for discussion." I think it's funny that anyone can forget where the hell they came from, and who gave them the opportunities they have now- lest you forget, you are in the house because of me, bianca's and cory's good graces. It's not YOUR house, you are a boarder. OH, and PS-I do what I want.

We're facing a serious dilemma because we <3 cory and we don't want to screw him over in the process of removing this person from our house. Guess it's going to require some discussion, that should be fun. Thinking about bringing Janice over tonight to talk some sense into triflin roommate.

In other news, I have a ton of stuff to take care of this week including:
-TURNING IN DRIVERS ED FORMS AHHH
-DOING MY SCHOOLWORK AHHHH
-FINDING A NEW PLACE/ROOMMATE AHHHHHHHHHHH

Saturday Night: The Promised Land

2009-03-31T21:37:00.000-07:00

nights like this have become normal, last year they would have astounded me. started saturday night by rescuing matt from his car, then drank a shitton of margaritas and beast, reconnected with some old friends, and took a 2:30 am trip to the promised land of 1213 w clay.

it's been almost a year, i'm counting the days. its never really over.

Goin to Carolina in my mind

2009-03-27T06:19:00.001-07:00

Last night was fun, the roomies and I rolled up to the camel a little past 11, dirty danced for a half-hour, decided we werent drunk enough and left to go back to the crib, downed some drinks, went back, danced and tuckered out around 1.. I think the walk did us in.

T-minus 4hours until my piece of shit car is supposed to make it to north carolina :]

"Been at all time highs and all time lows, sometimes barely maintain it"

2009-03-23T05:58:00.000-07:00

It's over, sweetie. You were one of my best friends, I trusted you with everything. I trusted you to drive me home after a night of drinking, I listened to you on the phone for hours when you and Cam broke up, we spent most of the last summer hanging. Now, you can trust me to put you in jail. I hope you get your fucking life together, and figure out who really means anything to you, now that you've lost all of our mutual friends over this. If I can't put you in jail, theres gonna be no end to the destruction I will unleash. You should have thought about this, maybe all the coke has gone to your brain, maybe you've just finally gone off the deep end. But this time, you've messed with the wrong teenage girls.

On a completely different note, we had our second party this weekend. It was excellent- kind of reminiscent of a high school party, with way more alcohol and way crazier people. I found out some people are a hell of a lot of fun when before I thought they were bitches- aka job well done, self and housemates. Next weekends gonna be OFF THE CHAIN [lol kyle], it's kyles birthday! and some friends are leaving for the mil so they need a send off.

Other events:
Smoking with kyle for the first time in a long time, very enlightening. "Dude, Katey, this is the first time we've smoked in foreverrrr"
"Yeah, except for when Bianca falls asleep"
"So basically everytime we just smoke together"

Drinking with the neighbors- first tequila drink, very excellent.

It feels so good

2009-03-18T06:25:00.001-07:00

to use my brain.

Saturday Night

2009-03-16T05:55:00.000-07:00

was nuts. props to all who came out and partied with us, lets make it bigger and even better next weekend- all are welcome.

I think I probably embarrassed the fuck out of myself, but it's all in good fun. Woke up Sunday, threw up some, had 8th grade date at mcdonalds, then ate the day away.

I kind of dig this.

I don't know what you do, but I do things.

2009-03-10T19:36:00.000-07:00

In my neverending attempts to get my life together, i'm going to start posting the accomplishments I make every day [that i remember to post], so that no day is wasted.

Today:
-Got jesus thrift to deliver
-signed up for driving school
-got bianca her 100
-did my test
-had a needed conversation with an old friend

Soon:
-taxes
-fafsa
-drop out office
-JOBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

Less Depressing

2009-03-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

To lighten up this piece of shit blog a bit, look at the ridiculously gay and cute dog my mom is spending 200 dollars on:

Homeless, Jobless, Times Is Hard

2009-03-10T07:56:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Ukrops, I am now almost completely jobless. Hear this:

Yesterday I heard some worrisome news. On separate occasions, Norby and Van each told me that they would be working salad place next week. I don't think much of this immediately, assuming that someone is on vacation next week, but that makes little sense as both of the salad ladies have already taken vac time. As the night reaches about 7, I am flipping a shit. I'm sick to my stomach, and everyone is acting weird around me. I go out on break, and I come back determined to confront the AM about whats going on.

I ask for a minute with her, and she gives me a look. The 'oh shit, dont talk to me' look. I ask her whats going on with salad place, and she responds "in what way?" AS IF SHE DIDN'T KNOW. The answer that I got was that I was being forced back into the front end, which already has no hours because of other kitchen people being moved, because another FT person needed out of kitchen. They're also trying to make me work saturdays in order to keep my job at all, FTW now I don't have a second job.

SO if I hadn't of even dared to ask, I wouldn't have known at all that I was getting removed from my job. What the FUCK are they thinking?

To Do List:
complete driving school so i don't lose my license
complete english work so i don't fail out
complete all other schoolwork
find job
apply for food stamps/medicaid

FTW FTW FTW

New Post Style

2009-03-09T08:36:00.001-07:00

I've been completely slacking on my updates here, but lots of crazy stuff has happened so expect more updates soon. Right now I am in limbo in every area of my life, no real answers.

My manager took off all weekend to 'give his girlfriend moral support' while her car is broken. Make me the new manager, NBTY.

Forgot how much I missed going out to shows.

Current goals: New job, paying off car, figuring out what I have to drop.

Been thinking a lot about NTC and it's origins and going back.

It's 80 degrees, can't be cooped up forever.

Kinda Starting with a Positive Jam

2009-02-27T06:39:00.000-08:00

New roommate potentials. We're understandably scared considering the last two: one of the laziest fucking childs in the whole world and one of the scaryest pathological liars. Best roommates. I think the new mix is going to work out, 2 and 2. And the other two aren't chris and chase.

Bitch, call outta work tonite and lets go to DC.

I've had this T.I. line in my head all day, because fools are lucky we ain't buckin like we used to go or tonight would be straight crazy. Im walking the straight and narrow though, boring lifestyle 2k9.

Fuck You Guys

2009-02-18T14:44:00.001-08:00

I'm moving out.

Its only a matter of time.

Next time a motherfucka wants to call me and yell at me for leaving shit on when I don't have a single electronic thing in my room except my laptop, they're gonna get it.

Cowardice

2009-02-13T19:21:00.001-08:00

is never rewarded.

the most important life lesson, one I struggle with every day.

Twitter

2009-02-07T13:42:00.000-08:00

Follow me on twitter:

http://www.twitter.com/kateyntc

This message brought to you by the "i'm really late on internet trends" club.

I got a new phone, and now I can be on facebook 24/7 too legit

DONT TALK TO COPS

2009-02-04T06:30:00.000-08:00

Someone who used to be a really good friend of mine, one of my best friends, got arrested this weekend for charges I won't disclose but yeah they're bad. He made a big mistake in saying ANYTHING to the cops or to VCU. I doubt that any young'uns read this but if you do, DO NOT EVER SPEAK TO THE COPS. Anything they hear will be used against you. It removes the chance to come up with an alibi or a lawyer. If I had had a scrap of intelligence when I was 16, my mug shot would not be on file with Henrico county. I am going home tonight and telling my sister this.

He was ratted out by someone else to who spoke to the cops. If you rat out someone so that they get most of what you deserve [or don't deserve, it matters not], you deserve to fucking die. Be a fucking man, be a decent human being and take care of your own shit. That is cowardice at it's highest level.

I am seriously sick to my stomach over this in the middle of class. His life is over if he's found guilty, and the realism of that is hitting me like a fucking brick to the head. I've been thinking a lot lately about how my life will be over if I get arrested again, and this really drives the point home. We kind of always thought we were invincible. Now I don't even know what to do anymore. The police and the government have all the power over our lives, and i'm not sure how to reconcile this and keep on living.

FTP
FTP
FTP

NTC

Fuck You!

2009-02-02T05:18:00.000-08:00

I logged on here to write something passive-aggressive, but it's really just pointless. Basically all I have to say is that people are absolutely ridiculous. I'm obviously never going to be able to live with anyone but Bianca, and if you don't like how we do, then please go away, because you won't win.

1998

circa 2006
2008

no homo.. hah. Off to listen to a fat fuck bellow for an hour and fail a quiz [no, really, i'm aiming for a 40]. If I lose my scholarship this semester i'm going to have to quit for a while.

Money In Da Bank

2009-01-31T21:32:00.000-08:00

the only thing excellent about life right now is that I have accumulated a fair amount of money in the bank from various places. I can't think of anything to do with it, so I only spend the small amount I normally did without it. Having money left after paying rent for the month is nice.

What I will eventually do with it is of crucial importance, I need money from another job bad still :( .

I gave away my last good cigarette tonight and I am too lazy and too cheap to get another pack. Guess i'm sort of quitting. Fuck that its taken almost a year.

Goddamn School

2009-01-30T07:07:00.000-08:00

I am already so fucking tired of the bullshit my teachers spew out. Thus far this year, i've had a teacher try to tell me that there's never been a recorded death from wolf attack [which the class believed], and the same teacher take an entire class period talking about one-inch margins.

I've asked nicely to leave early instead of just rolling out, and got the rudest response I have ever heard.

I've had to wake up before it is light out to listen to a renaissance fair bitch talk about big meaty creatures and the beauty of penii.

This is probably going to be a bad semester... I can't motivate myself to go to these classes when there is NOTHING that makes attending worth it. If I lose my scholarship next semester, i'm going to start taking only history classes. These useless required classes are killing me.

Drop the name of an unknown place and i'm leaving.

2009-01-26T07:16:00.000-08:00

Going to carolina this weekend to see Giant aka BRAVEYOUNG, possibly camping out, weather permitting. Time to get away from the ole frathouse for a while.

Next Weekend: Tattoos with the mom?

Holla at me or Bianca if you're bored, i'm down for anything to get away from the brodowns.

My Roommate's Friends' Search History

2009-01-25T07:52:00.001-08:00

thanks b.

High School

2009-01-24T19:10:00.001-08:00

I am so tired of fucking beer pong. I haven't played beer pong since I was 16. I don't intend to. Beer pong is for bros to get girls really fucking trashed and molest them. This tradition has stood the test of time.

Every time the "beer pong table" gets set up I want to drag it behind my mercury down the street blasting a song of triumph.

This cannot be good for my heart.

I wish everyone would grow up. No one is going to do it for you, and I feel like no one understands that college isn't Beach Week on repeat. Playing pong until you puke is just sad. If you're fucked up enough to trash someone elses house, i'll fuck you up.

In other news, I have the best numbers in the whole district at work, but i'm still being cut back to 5 hours a week. I love my job sometimes but god it is so discouraging. A lot of things right now are discouraging.

I'm 18 with the soul of a 55 year old. I really do not belong in my house.

It's a cold world out there.

2009-01-19T21:40:00.000-08:00

12:40am: Stranded in the west end at my moms with no car and no phone, awesome. Went to the mom's office today to get my heart problems checked out and still no answers, awesome. I get to walk to work tomorrow and hope that my car hasn't been towed, AWESOME.

On the bright side, I get to lounge around until 2 tomorrow and watch the inauguration. Or VH1.

Hopefully I will still be alive for the rest of this week and i'll have some better updates.

flippin out pt. 2

2009-01-16T22:04:00.000-08:00

lost my cell phone

rest in peace, man. me and you, we've been through a lot of tough times together, but you always made it through. Like the time I lost you for four days and my neighbors found you sitting in my yard frozen. Or the time you fell four feet deep in the james river and my dad dried you out. Even when the outer screen stopped working a few months ago, and your battery wouldn't last for longer than a 3 minute call. I hope whatever crazy homeless person in the library at 7am that found you made good use of you, at least for the three hours until your battery died. New phone tomorrow thnx mom, until then I am feeling so lost.
then I came home to this:

posi style son. gotta love neal

flippin out

2009-01-15T22:03:00.001-08:00

can't find her cell phone

Bummer

2009-01-14T07:17:00.001-08:00

My human spirituality teacher just made a Twilight reference.

It's gonna be a long year.

Weirdest Week Award

2009-01-10T10:53:00.000-08:00

This has been the weirdest and one of the worst weeks of my life. Been at all time highs and all time lows, sometimes barely maintain it.

Yeah, I'm definitely having a personal crisis.

Guess how much money i've spent this year?

2009-01-09T12:56:00.000-08:00

+ about $3,000

what the fuck

Got sick of all of my friends at once

2009-01-06T14:04:00.000-08:00

Everyone is so predictable, but no one is reliable. This time last year I was just as bad off, but now it seems like it can't be fixed.

I want everyone in life who has fucked me over to never speak to me again, maybe that would make it easier.

Calling it quits

2009-01-05T08:01:00.000-08:00

SO DONE.

Done with putting up with your bullshit. Done with smoking and drinking, done with killing myself with dairy. Done with being scared to sleep in my own house, done with manning the fuck up for speeches and dead body checks. My hands are clean.

Lately i've been scaring myself. I can no longer feel emotion for anyone; I don't care about your problems. After committing 6 months to forgetting, all I want to do anymore is go back to the days of this spring, where I didn't work two jobs 50 hours a week, where my mom took care of my shit and gave me her car to take out, where staying up until 5am was the norm. But that's over, and I am learning to accept. It's 2009 bitches, it's time to forget 2008. Great year, but one in which I was ridiculously stupid. I am paying the price now, and I am moving on.

Me and Igor, too classy. Twas the last day of this though.

TAKE ME ON A TRIP!

I'll show you the NTC lifestyle.

2008-12-29T21:57:00.000-08:00

With the only highlight of the trip thus far being Wal-Mart potato wedges, I was pulling into Richmond between the Boulevard and Belvidere exits when 'Home Sweet Home' came on shuffle on my ipod. We made wonderful time home, and we needed to. I'm never leaving Richmond, especially for somewhere west. It's just so far removed; all those cities are buried inside America. Theres no escape.

On a a serious note, fuck Louisville. I am never going back there. It's like it tries to be as 'cool' as Richmond and DC, but it's so full of rich yuppies that it's impossible. Fuck most of the people there, and especially fuck you, Keith.

I came home to warm damp rugs creating a humid tropical rainforest in my house and a roommate bitching about conditioner that he probably hid from himself. I woke up to a mother screaming about my 200 dollar parking ticket and went to work only to come home again to the power out. Awesome.

NTC lifestyle never quit

Scared of girls

2008-12-25T15:50:00.000-08:00

99 problems but a bitch ain't one. I've found myself dealing with so many assholes lately, and i'm glad to say for once that my family hasn't been contributing for once. Christmas went off fight-free for one of the first times, though chinese food isn't helping my cheer.

For the first time in my life, I have found myself with some people being afraid of me. This is weird. I am not an intimidating person, but I am crazy. At this exact moment there are at least two people who refuse to speak to me because they are afraid. This is because I tell them the truth. I really do hope that you are the first death from weed overdose, Ryan, and I really will sue you in February, you know who you are.

In other news, I got a new job! And thanks to Ukrops only giving me one day a week, I will still be there. Fun times, but it's whatever. I can't keep getting bored all the time, some variety will do me good. I'm eternally thankful for my parents being willing to help me pay for my shit so that I can get on my feet. Love them.

It's christmas time! Fuck yeah, we're gonna chill tonight.

Fuck

2008-12-07T17:48:00.000-08:00

Writing like it's my job sucks. 20ish pages in 24 hours, my new home:

Until approximately 1am. Then 2 hrs of Brokeback Mountain.

I'm starting a punk rock band to the kill the time when I don't have to deal with this shit, or anything except my monotonous job for 40 hrs a week. Who's with me?

What

2008-11-30T20:05:00.000-08:00

I haven't updated this in forever because I don't have any good stories, except for ones that I'm tired of telling.
We're finally moved in but on a precarious perch.

My dog is gone.

My mother was functioning really well with the move until this weekend, buying us house supplies and being really supportive. I came home tonight to get some stuff, and I told her about our idea for a present for her- getting her a new tattoo in DC. She refused the present and then offered me whatever money was in her wallet, almost in tears. She never really thought we were leaving, and now we are gone and theres just... nothing. I am fucking torn. I never doubted anything until now, and now I can't doubt because this is right, and now I'm fucking crying in the goddamn library because I already miss her.

On top of this, someone I've had a pretty fucked up relationship with but whom I trusted as a friend fucked me over for the last time this week. I am DONE.

It's been a pretty bad week, minus 1202.

Clean

2008-11-18T21:15:00.000-08:00

Tonight I decided to undergo at least part of the Herculean task of cleaning out the underneath of my bed. I figured I'd find a lot of treasures, and I was not disappointed. I found papers that I had scoured for hours for last year, and which almost cost me graduating from high school. I found a notebook from the summer before my sophomore year when I dieted obsessively, chronicalling every calorie I ate. I found a full pack of cigarettes. I also found this, written about 3 years ago about the summer after my 8th grade year:

"When I walked down my driveway on that unusually beautiful February day, I noticed something unusual - my dad was in the driveway washing the car.

I would like to say that if I could have foreseen the horror, pain, and ______ [I didn't put a word in here] ahead, I would have left. In 2002, I would have stayed with my Aunt or Grandmother when I saw them that summer. Or, in 2004, I would have taken the chance to give up the Governors School and stay with my Aunt in South Carolina after staying with her all summer, and experiencing some semblance of normalcy.

But I wouldn't have, and I have still never left hell. Not because I am brave or strong, and I want to tough out the rough times with my family, but because I am weak. If I could have known then how things would end up, I simply would not have believed it. How can, in five years, a person go from a quiet kid from a solidly middle-class family with loving parents to near-insanity and relying on the charity of others to survive? Truthfully, if I had known, I would have refused to accept what would happen to me- much the same way I am now.

Is ignorance really bliss?"

I know this sucks but I really still write the same way I do now, it's strange. Just for background info, my dad lost his job in 2002 which lead to a downward spiral of alcoholism, deranged behavior from all, us losing our house, and me becoming a religious fanatic as a way to cope.

Fun stuff, all brought up under my fucking bed.

Alert the Internet

2008-11-16T21:26:00.000-08:00

I'm getting clean and getting a house.

And still finding ways to be a fuckup.

On the bright side, I remembered this week why I love my parents. Today, I told the mother about us moving out, and, after being completely nonplussed and claiming ownership of the dog because 'you all aren't going to take care of her' (thank God, good riddance), proceeded to start gathering up, sorting, and packing our kitchen items without being asked while Bianca and I went out.

Sometimes I like school

2008-11-06T20:19:00.000-08:00

I borrowed Bianca's USB drive today because mine is missing to save a powerpoint for history class. Knowing Bianca's fondness for crude pictures, I did a brief scan of the mostly photograph-containing drive and found nothing offensive at the top, presumably the only area visible as I select my powerpoint in front of the class on the projector. The only picture I found was a picture of our "friend", professional douchebag Ryan, in a gay-porn style cowboy hat and a rather homoerotic grin, appropriately titled "homo". Fearing this may offend or embarrass someone, I move the picture to the bottom of the icon tiles, and move my powerpoint to the top.

Once in class, I go up and front and begin to open up the powerpoint when I first realize that my powerpoint is not at the top anymore. What is instead at the top of the icon tiles is a full-folder icon preview of a real-life ass. As I hastily scrolled down to avoid the ass, hoping that no one noticed, I encounter the 'homo' picture of Ryan. One student comments "I like that picture of the guy named homo"
I begin somewhat nervous banter, and scroll up again only to encounter the ass yet again. This time my teacher, obviously a former New England liberal arts college hippie, notices.
"Do you want me to no-show it?" I begged.
"See the problem is, it won't turn back on."

While I hastily try to resolve the situation by blurting something about how I borrowed my friend's USB drive and had no idea of what else of awfulness she may have put on it, my teacher saves the day.

"Oh dear... well maybe just don't tell her that we saw that, and we'll all close our eyes so you can open the powerpoint."
While my professor and most of the class oblige me, I brush my shoulders off, open the powerpoint, and commence presenting.

Later, I text Bianca about the mishap.
"Dude, you know that was my ass right? From when ______ bit me"
"Well, I guess 19 people just saw your ass then."

She thought it was hilarious.

I can only write when i'm high

2008-10-30T09:24:00.000-07:00

They say that heroin addicts spend their whole lives chasing the dragon- trying to reach that first, pure, unattainable high again. I realized last night that I have spent most of my last few years chasing the dragon in every area of my life. The happy years of my childhood whose memory I associated with my house, I chased – looking to preserve memories long dead in the fights ringing in my household. If I could save the house, I could save us all and bring us back to that time. After the first time I kissed or touched or fucked any of the people I have, I chased. I tried over and over again to get as high as I got on that first night with anyone who would oblige me long enough. If they did not, I chased them, trying for even a chance at obtaining that high, and getting back what I once had but had lost somewhere along the way. I chase the night I lost my virginity in every sexual experience I have, hoping to top my preconceptions of perfect, though I would always be willing to settle for a match. I chase the high I got from my first few packs of cigarettes every time I light up a Marlboro Red, the calm and relief I get now only being a passing substitute until the day they miraculously get me high again. In chasing the beautiful, childlike high I got from ecstasy, I used hordes of people I considered my friends, running over them for an experience that ended up being horribly aging – I suppose I got what I deserved. Even as I write this, I look forward to the possibilities of new highs and new firsts that I will chase in the future, because these memories are still sweet. My memories remind me that good still happens, though it is fleeting, and I chase these memories to keep them alive.

5 things I learned from Ben Sweet

2008-10-27T10:34:00.000-07:00

After having spent so much time around this nutty fellow named Ben Sweet this summer and this fall, I have found that I learned a lot from him.

1. If you make a drink out of Everclear, vodka, PBR, 1.29 Grape Drank from Wal-mart, and lemon-lime off-brand soda, it will taste shockingly good, but will probably make you ill shortly thereafter.

2. Shell and BP have the best gas, most other brands are total shit. This is probably the most important advice i've learned, and one that I will carry with me throughout my life.

3. Primordial dwarves are not babies, or aliens, or alien babies.

4. Psychedelic drugs are bad. Acid is dangerous. Shrooms are not any safer, and I will never do any of these [again].

5. Djarum Blacks are awful and make my throat burn.

All of these things I did not know before this summer, and all of them I know because of Ben Sweet. So thanks, Ben.

Advice

2008-10-04T08:23:00.000-07:00

SO, Kyle told me a couple days ago during our AWC [after work clove, or this time camel] that if i'm trying to get laid as much as possible, I need to be a lot, lot more slutty. I took his advice to heart last night and decided to try it out on an easy target.
I texted an acquaintance of mine who is usually down with very little manipulation but has been, as of late, difficult and annoying. At first I tried my usual trick of "Hey what are you doin" to little avail. I hate it when I have to work for a meaningless lay. It was time to bring out the inner slut.
I asked him if he worked tomorrow during the day, and when I recieved a positive response, said "We should hang out then". I got back a horrorsome response:

"Ok, what do you want to do?"

Shit. Shit. This was supposed to be easy. I pondered the question for a while and was about to just leave it unresponded and give up, when a half-asleep Bianca tells me to say "I don't know, what do you want to do?"
GENIUS!

I get back an even more difficult response of "Up to you". God damn it. It was time to be a real slut- desperate times call for desperate measures.
"I think you know"

Bam, there, I said it. All of my boldness went unrewarded with the response "No, what". I hate him. I went to bed.

I woke up this morning to a text asking me what I was doing. I responded, thinking that my efforts have finally paid off, and I get nothing in return. It is now 12 hours since the first text, and I am still unlaid.

What I don't understand is why this is so difficult. The last time I was "in a relationship", it was impossible to NOT cheat because I had so many young men on my tail. Now I can't even get laid by someone exponentially sluttier than I am. I'm pretty sure that if there is a God, which theres not, I am being punished for being such an asshole this summer.

I guess there's always work tonight.

First

2008-10-03T11:42:00.000-07:00

This blog is for me to chronicle my own personal strangeness and the craziness that surrounds me.